Picture the typical teenager, on being told by her first, and in her mind greatest, love that their relationship is over. They will be heartbroken. In a pit of despair. There are tears, recriminations, shouting, yellowing, crying and sobbing… and it might go on for days or even weeks..

This teenager is not coping well. But that’s OK, they’re an adolescent and that’s what they do. When an adult, with adult responsibilities and commitments still acts in the same manner it can become a problem. Of course emotions of sadness, betrayal, grief and so on will always exist to some extent, but it’s important that they are kept at a level which still allows us to function successfully in society.

A good level of emotional resilience will allow us to deal with issues such as heartbreak, betrayal or the death of someone we care about without either collapsing into a heap of inconsolable non-functional misery or, on the other hand, turning into an emotion free automaton without any recognisable signs of upset.

Emotional resilience is, therefore, about balance. It’s about accepting and embracing our emotions without being controlled by them. In times of upset we still have to function. We still have to meet our personal commitments, our financial commitments and our work commitments. We need to function, and we can only do this if we’re emotionally resilient enough to do so.

An appropriate level of emotional resilience is therefore vital if we are to be successful
in life without having to “put it on pause” every time our emotions are upset, no matter
the cause.

This is what Charles R Swindoll (American writer & clergyman) wrote on the subject of attitude:

“The longer I live, the more I realise the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company… a church… a home.

The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past… we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you… we are in charge or our Attitudes.”

To answer the above question, I would agree with Charles that life is 10% of what happens to me and 90% of how how I react to it. We are in charge of our attitudes.

How did you answer the question?

Read on…

Project your voice
Ever sat in a training session where you couldn’t hear the trainer? You have. So have I and we both know that the secret to becoming an excellent trainer is to learn to project your voice.

Projecting your voice doesn’t mean speaking loudly or shouting. It means standing up straight, breathing deeply to allow your voice to develop in your upper diaphragm which in turn produces a stronger modulation in your voice, carrying your voice further.

One tip I learn’t from an auctioneer friend was to project your voice a meter past the last row of participants in the room. This gives everyone in the room the opportunity to hear you. Give it a try!

Gestures
Gestures need to be an extension of yourself and any emotions that your message conveys. Planned gestures can look false because they don’t match your non-verbal cues. The clue is to be authentic.

From time to time it may be a good idea to have a colleague sit in on one of your training sessions in order to critique your delivery style. You will be surprised at what you will learn about yourself.

Never apologise
Don’t apologise for your lack of preparation, time or knowledge and especially not for your nerves.

The participants will know without you telling them if you have prepared your session and indeed if you know the subject. On the other hand your audience won’t notice your lack of confidence unless you draw attention to it. So don’t.

Training for transfer
Involve your participants in activities to keep them interested and involved. Asking questions to suit the level of experience in the room is one way to check the level of knowledge transfer. A well-written assessment is another.

Pause often
Pausing at regular intervals in your training session gives your students the opportunity to assimilate the information before you move on to onto the next topic. It also gives you time to check where you are in the session.

Now that you are putting these tips into daily practice, are you noticing a greater skill level and confidence in your work?

Failing to prepare
Some trainers take the risk with a training session thinking they can “wing it”.Your participants deserve the very best you can be. After all they are paying for the service. So take the time to research and rehearse your subject matter before you agree to run the session.

Have a session plan
How many times have you heard the presenter go completely off the subject? Chances are they don’t have their run sheet or session plan open. Worse still they don’t even have one.

Make sure you have a run sheet or session plan where you can see it and if you lose track of your delivery, pause your conversation, return to your notes and pick up where you left off. Simple!

Maintain eye contact
Some presenters and trainers develop the habit of talking to the overhead slide or projector screen with their back to the audience (yes, some presenter and trainers actually do this!) Maintaining eye contact with the audience helps you establish and build rapport with each participant.

When introducing a new sentence of topic, the secret is to connect with each person in the room for several seconds at a time before you move onto the next person.

Don’t read from the slide or overhead
How many times have you been in the audience and watched the trainer or presenter read word for word from the slide. It sends the message that you don’t know the subject matter and kills any confidence the participants may have in you. The message here is to know your subject well before you deliver.

Having trouble with nerves?
Most inexperienced trainers talk too fast. My tip here is to become aware of your breath. Listening to yourself slowly inhaling and exhaling will help you balance and centre yourself.

Remembering to pause regularly not only allows the participant to focus on what you are saying, it also assists you to develop a natural flow and timing with your particular training style.

Let me know how if these tips worked for you……

Everything that happens to us happens for a reason. And as one door shuts another opens. Instead of locking yourself up in your cage of fears and crying over past heartaches, embarrassment and failures, treat them as your teachers in life and they will become your tools in both personal growth and self improvement and to your success.

Remember the movie Patch Adams

I remember watching Patch Adams – its my favorite movie, actually. Its one great film that will help you improve yourself. Hunter “patch” Adams is a medical student who failed to make it through the board exams. After months of suffering in melancholy, depression and suicidal attempts – he decided to seek for medical attention and voluntarily admitted himself in a psychiatric ward. His months of stay in the hospital led him to meeting different kinds of people. Sick people in that matter. He met a catatonic, a mentally retarded, a schizophrenic and so on. Patch found ways of treating his own ailment and finally realized he has to get back on track. He woke up one morning realizing that after all the failure and pains he has gone through, he still want to become the a doctor. He carries with himself a positive attitude that brought him self improvement and success. He didn’t only improved himself, but also the life of the people around him and the quality of life. Did he succeed? Needless to say, he became the best damn doctor his country has ever known.

So, when does personal growth and self improvement become synonymous with success? Where do we start?

Give thought and take action on the following points:

• Stop thinking and feeling as if you’re a failure, because you’re not. How can others accept you if YOU can’t accept YOU?
• When you see hunks and models on TV, think more on self improvement, not self pitying. Self acceptance is not just about having nice slender legs, or great abs. Concentrate on inner beauty.
• When people feel so down and low about themselves, help them move up. Don’t go down with them. They’ll pull you down further and both of you will end up feeling inferior.
• The world is a large room for lessons, not mistakes. Don’t feel stupid and doomed forever just because you failed on a science quiz. There’s always a next time. Make rooms for self improvement.
• Take things one at a time. You don’t expect black sheep’s to be goody-two-shoes in just a snap of a finger. Self improvement is a one day at a time process.
• Self improvement results to inner stability, personality development and dig this …. SUCCESS. It comes from self confidence, self appreciation and self esteem.
• Set meaningful and achievable goals. Self improvement doesn’t turn you to be the exact replica of Cameron Diaz or Ralph Fiennes. It hopes and aims to result to an improved and better YOU.
• Little things mean BIG to other people. Sometimes, we don’t realize that the little things that we do like a pat on the back, saying “hi” or “hello”, greeting someone “good day” or telling Mr. Smith something like “hey, I love your tie!” are simple things that mean so much to other people. When we’re being appreciative about beautiful things around us and other people, we also become beautiful to them.
• When you’re willing to accept change and go through the process of self improvement, it doesn’t mean that everyone else is. The world is a place where people of different values and attitude hang out. Sometimes, even if you think you and your best friend always like to do the same thing together at the same time, she would most likely decline an invitation for self improvement.

In closing

We should always remember that there’s no such thing as ‘over night success’. Its always a wonderful feeling to hold on to the things that you already have now, realizing that those are just one of the things you once wished for. A very nice quote says that “When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.” We are all here to learn our lessons. Our parents, school teachers, friends, colleagues, officemates, neighbours… they are our teachers. When we open our doors for personal growth and self improvement, we increase our chances on the road to success.

Do you get frustrated at work because things don’t seem to be happening the way they’re supposed to be? You see people milling around but nothing gets accomplished. And in the daily hustle and bustle, do you feel that your goals remain just that – goals. Then maybe its time for you to stand up and do something about it.

Some people are content to be told what to do

Most people are content just to stand around listening for orders. And it isn’t unusual to adopt a follow-the-leader mentality. But maybe, somewhere inside of you, you feel the desire to make things happen – to be the head, not the tail. Then maybe leadership just suits you fine.

Leaders are made not born

Some people believe that great leaders are made, not born. Yes, it may be true that some people are born with natural leadership talents. However, without practice, without drive, without enthusiasm, and without experience, there can be no true development in leadership.

You must also remember that good leaders are continually working and studying to improve their natural skills. This takes a commitment to constantly improve in whatever endeavor a person chooses.

Leadership is not about power

First of all, let’s define leadership. To be a leader, one must be able to influence others to accomplish a goal, or an objective. He contributes to the organization and cohesion of a group.

Contrary to what most people believe, leadership is not about power. It is not about harassing people or driving them using fear. It is about encouraging others towards the goal of the organization. It is putting everyone on the same page and helping them see the big picture of the organization. You must be a leader not a boss.

You have to get people to follow you

People follow others when they see a clear sense of purpose. People will only follow you if they see that you know where you are going. Remember that bumper sticker? The one that says, don’t follow me, I’m lost too? The same holds true for leadership. If you yourself do not know where you’re headed to, chances are people will not follow you at all.

You yourself must know the vision of the organization. Having a clear sense of hierarchy, knowing who the bosses are, who to talk to, the organization’s goals and objectives, and how the organization works is the only way to show others you know what you are doing.

Being a leader is about who you are

Being a leader is not about what you make others do. It’s about who you are, what you know, and what you do. You are a reflection of what you’re subordinates must be.

Studies have shown that one other bases of good leadership is the trust and confidence your subordinates have of you. If they trust you they will go through hell and high water for you and for the organization.

Trust and confidence is built on good relationships, trustworthiness, and high ethics.

Relationships and communication are the keys

The way you deal with your people, and the relationships you build will lay the foundation for the strength of your group. The stronger your relationship, the stronger their trust and confidence is in your capabilities.

Once you have their trust and confidence, you may now proceed to communicate the goals and objectives you are to undertake.

Communication is a very important key to good leadership. Without this you can not be a good leader. The knowledge and technical expertise you have must be clearly imparted to other people.

Lets not forget judgement

Also, you can not be a good leader and unless you have good judgment. You must be able to assess situations, weigh the pros and cons of any decision, and actively seek out a solution.

It is this judgment that your subordinates will come to rely upon. Therefore, good decision-making is vital to the success of your organization.

Leaders are not do-it-all heroes. You should not claim to know everything, and you should not rely upon your skills alone.

A good leader quickly identifies the skills and talent in the team

You should recognize and take advantage of the skills and talents your subordinates have. Only when you come to this realization will you be able to work as one cohesive unit.

Remember being a leader takes a good deal of work and time. It is not learned overnight. Remember, also, that it is not about just you. It is about you and the people around you.

So, do you have the drive and the desire to serve? Do you have the desire to work cooperatively with other people? Then start now. Take your stand and be leader thats inside you now!

To grow spiritually in a world defined by power, money, and influence is a Herculean task. Modern conveniences such as electronic equipments, gadgets, and tools as well as entertainment through television, magazines, and the web have predisposed us to confine our attention mostly to physical needs and wants. As a result, our concepts of self-worth and self-meaning are muddled. How can we strike a balance between the material and spiritual aspects of our lives?

To grow spiritually is to look inward

Introspection goes beyond recalling the things that happened in a day, week, or month. You need to look closely and reflect on your thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and motivations. Periodically examining your experiences, the decisions you make, the relationships you have, and the things you engage in provide useful insights on your life goals, on the good traits you must sustain and the bad traits you have to discard. Moreover, it gives you clues on how to act, react, and conduct yourself in the midst of any situation. Like any skill, introspection can be learned; all it takes is the courage and willingness to seek the truths that lie within you. Here are some pointers when you introspect: be objective, be forgiving of yourself, and focus on your areas for improvement.

To develop your potential is to grow spiritually

Religion and science have differing views on matters of the human spirit. Religion views people as spiritual beings temporarily living on Earth, while science views the spirit as just one dimension of an individual. Mastery of the self is a recurring theme in both Christian (Western) and Islamic (Eastern) teachings. The needs of the body are recognized but placed under the needs of the spirit. Beliefs, values, morality, rules, experiences, and good works provide the blueprint to ensure the growth of the spiritual being. In Psychology, realizing one’s full potential is to self-actualize. Maslow identified several human needs: physiological, security, belongingness, esteem, cognitive, aesthetic, self-actualization, and self-transcendence. James earlier categorized these needs into three: material, emotional, and spiritual. When you have satisfied the basic physiological and emotional needs, spiritual or existential needs come next. Achieving each need leads to the total development of the individual. Perhaps the difference between these two religions and psychology is the end of self-development: Christianity and Islam see that self-development is a means toward serving God, while psychology view that self-development is an end by itself.

The search for meaning is to grow spiritually

Religions that believe in the existence of God such as Christianism, Judaism, and Islam suppose that the purpose of the human life is to serve the Creator of all things. Several theories in psychology propose that we ultimately give meaning to our lives. Whether we believe that life’s meaning is pre-determined or self-directed, to grow in spirit is to realize that we do not merely exist. We do not know the meaning of our lives at birth; but we gain knowledge and wisdom from our interactions with people and from our actions and reactions to the situations we are in. As we discover this meaning, there are certain beliefs and values that we reject and affirm. Our lives have purpose. This purpose puts all our physical, emotional, and intellectual potentials into use; sustains us during trying times; and gives us something to look forward to—a goal to achieve, a destination to reach. A person without purpose or meaning is like a drifting ship at sea.

To grow spiritually is to recognize interconnections

In psychology, connectedness is a characteristic of self-transcendence, the highest human need according to Maslow. Recognizing your connection to all things makes you more humble and respectful of people, animals, plants, and things in nature. It makes you appreciate everything around you. It moves you to go beyond your comfort zone and reach out to other people, and become stewards of all other things around you.

Growth is a process thus to grow in spirit is a day-to-day encounter. We win some, we lose some, but the important thing is that we learn, and from this knowledge, further spiritual growth is made possible.

There are long and short roads; smooth and rocky roads; crooked and straight paths. In our life many roads would come our way as we journey through life. There are roads that lead to a life of single blessedness, marriage, and religious vocation. There are also roads that lead to fame and fortune on one hand, or isolation and poverty on the other. There are roads to happiness as there are roads to sadness, roads towards victory and jubilation, and roads leading to defeat and disappointment.

Just like any road, there are corners, detours, and crossroads in life. Perhaps the most perplexing road that you would encounter is a crossroad. With four roads to choose from and with limited knowledge on where they would go, which road will you take? What is the guarantee that we would choose the right one along the way? Would you take any road, or just stay where you are: in front of a crossroad?

There are no shortcuts

You do not really know where a road will lead you until you take it. There are no guarantees. This is one of the most important things you need to realize about life. Nobody said that choosing to do the right thing all the time would always lead you to happiness. Loving someone with all your heart does not guarantee that it would be returned. Gaining fame and fortune does not guarantee happiness. Accepting a good word from an influential superior to cut your trip short up the career ladder is not always bad, especially if you are highly qualified and competent. There are too many possible outcomes, which your really cannot control. The only thing you have power over is the decisions that you will make, and how you would act and react to different situations.

Hindsight has 20/20 vision

Had you known that you were making a wrong decision, would you have gone along with it? Perhaps not, why would you choose a certain path when you know it would get you lost? Why make a certain decision if you knew from the very beginning that it is not the right one. It is only after you have made a decision and reflected on it that you realize its soundness. If the consequences or outcomes are good for you, then you have decided correctly. Otherwise, your decision was wrong.

The secret here is to make a decision

Since life offers no guarantee and you would never know that your decision would be wrong until you have made it, then you might as well take the risk and decide. It is definitely better than keeping yourself in limbo. Although it is true that one wrong turn could get you lost, it could also be that such a turn could be an opportunity for an adventure, moreover open more roads. It is all a matter of perspective. You have the choice between being a lost traveller or an accidental tourist of life. But take caution that you do not make decisions haphazardly. Taking risks is not about being careless and stupid. Here are some pointers that could help you choose the best option in the face of life’s crossroads:
· Get as many information as you can about your situation.

You cannot find the confidence to decide when you know so little about what you are faced with. Just like any news reporter, ask the 5 W’s: what, who, when, where, and why. What is the situation? Who are the people involved? When did this happen? Where is this leading? Why are you in this situation? These are just some of the possible questions to ask to know more about your situation. This is important. Oftentimes, the reason for indecision is the lack of information about a situation.

Identify your options

What options do the situation give you? Sometimes the options are few, but sometimes they are numerous. But what do you do when you think that the situation offers no options? This is the time that you create your own. Make your creative mind work. From the most simplistic to the most complicated, entertain all ideas. Do not shoot anything down when an idea comes to your head. Sometimes the most outrageous idea could prove to be the right one in the end. You can ask a friend to help you identify options and even make more options if you encounter some difficulty, but make sure that you make the decision yourself in the end.

Assess every option and trust yourself and make that decision

Assess each option by looking at the advantages and disadvantages it offers you. In this way, you get more insights about the consequences of such an option.

Now that you have assessed your options, it is now time to trust yourself. Remember that there are no guarantees and wrong decisions are always at hindsight. So choose… decide… believe that you are choosing the best option at this point in time.

Now that you have made a decision, be ready to face its consequences: good and bad. It may take you to a place of promise or to a land of problems. But the important thing is that you have chosen to live your life instead of remaining a bystander or a passive audience to your own life. Whether it is the right decision or not, only time can tell. But do not regret it whatever the outcome. Instead, learn from it and remember that you always have the chance to make better decisions in the future.

Time management is basically about having clarity being focused. The Pareto Principle also known as the ’80:20 Rule’ states that 80% of efforts that are not time managed or unfocused generates only 20% of the desired output. However, 80% of the desired output can be generated using only 20% of a well time managed effort. Although the ratio ’80:20′ is only arbitrary, it is used to put emphasis on how much is lost or how much can be gained with time management.

Time Management is not about a list of rules

Some people view time management as a list of rules that involves scheduling of appointments, goal settings, thorough planning, creating things to do lists and prioritizing. These are the core basics of time management that should be understood to develop an efficient personal time management skill. These basic skills can be fine tuned further to include the finer points of each skill that can give you that extra reserve to make the results you desire.

There is more to time management than meets the eye

There is more skills involved in time management than the core basics. Skills such as decision making, inherent abilities such as emotional intelligence and critical thinking are also essential to your personal growth.

Personal time management involves everything you do. No matter how big and no matter how small, everything counts. Each new knowledge you acquire, each new advice you consider, each new skill you develop should be taken into consideration.

It all comes down to having balanced in your life

Having a balanced life-style should be the key result in having personal time management. This is the main aspect that many practitioners of personal time management fail to grasp.

The six areas that personal time management seeks to improve in anyone’s life are physical, intellectual, social, career, emotional and spiritual.

The physical aspect involves having a healthy body, less stress and fatigue.

The intellectual aspect involves learning and other mental growth activities.

The social aspect involves developing personal or intimate relations and being an active contributor to society.

The career aspect involves school and work.

The emotional aspect involves appropriate feelings and desires and manifesting them.

The spiritual aspect involves a personal quest for meaning.

Planning is the key ingredient

Thoroughly planning and having a set of things to do list for each of the key areas may not be very practical, but determining which area in your life is not being giving enough attention is part of time management. Each area creates the whole you, if you are ignoring one area then you are ignoring an important part of yourself.

Personal time management should not be so daunting a task. It is a very sensible and reasonable approach in solving problems big or small.

Its all in the basic steps

A great way of learning time management and improving your personal life is to follow several basic activities.

One of them is to review your goals whether it be immediate or long-term goals often.

A way to do this is to keep a list that is always accessible to you.

Always determine which task is necessary or not necessary in achieving your goals and which activities are helping you maintain a balanced life style.

Each and everyone of us has a peek time and a time when we slow down, these are our natural cycles. We should be able to tell when to do the difficult tasks when we are the sharpest.

Learning to say “No”. You actually see this advice often. Heed it even if it involves saying the word to family or friends.

Pat yourself at the back or just reward yourself in any manner for an effective time management result.

Try and get the cooperation from people around you who are actually benefiting from your efforts of time management.

Don’t procrastinate. Attend to necessary things immediately.

Have a positive attitude and set yourself up for success. But be realistic in your approach in achieving your goals.

Have a planner or journal of all your activities. This will help you get things in their proper perspective.

These are the few steps you initially take in becoming a well rounded individual.

Personal time management is the key to building a better life

From the moment you integrate into your life time management skills, you have opened several options that can provide a broad spectrum of solutions to your personal growth. It also creates more doors for opportunities to knock on.

Ever wonder how animals know when a storm is coming? They sense that danger is present. You have that sense also and it is called intuition. Some people call it instinct.

Intuition is essentially instinct. It comes from past experiences. If you learned that a stove is hot as a child, then you will instinctively stay away from stoves when you notice they are hot. That is a simplified explanation that we all can relate to.

Another aspect of intuition is learned behavior

Here’s another simple explanation. Have you ever visited family or a friend on the land and found your senses are heighten as they point out the various aspects of farm life? Those lessons teach you to hear sounds and look for signs that you never knew existed before. It’s actually quite amazing.

With each new experience and learned behavior you acquire new skills. Every time you have choice in your life you don’t consciously run through everything that you know before you make a decision. However, what you do know, that information pertaining to the choice you are making gets processed unconsciously and generates a feeling of being right.

Intuition is seated in your feelings

Some say that they don’t use their intuition because it is based on feelings. Intuition may come across as a feeling but it is backed up by a lifetime of experience and learning. So, you really don’t just trust a feeling or a hunch you trust your experiences.

Always check in with your feelings. Your unconscious mind will always point you in the right direction. Your intuition can save your life in certain situations as well as enhance your life.

Goal setting is best when using your intuition

Use that same process to set your goals. When you identify a goal you want to achieve, use your instinct to decide how best to achieve it. Truly your intuition will show you the best way to proceed. When one path doesn’t pan out, your intuition will help you decide the next course of action.

One reason we don’t always achieve our goals is because we go with someone else’s intuition without checking in on our own thoughts and feelings first.

Intuition requires ongoing practice

Intuition has to be practiced just like anything else. The greatest challenge we have is recognizing that it is really intuition. Think about what goes through you mind if you have to walk down the street at night. You wouldn’t go into a dimly lit street without some trepidation. Why? You have learned that there is inherent danger in these places.

I couldn’t say it any clearer – Don’t be afraid to trust your intuition